She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
