i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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