You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
