Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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