i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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