dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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