I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
