holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
