Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize