we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
