it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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