The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
