He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My vagina is officially offended.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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