What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
