Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm really busy with my period
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