Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
