I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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