just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
