I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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