I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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