I want to make a zoo with you.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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