I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
