Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just invented taco cereal.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
