yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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