your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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