I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Be still, my beating vagina.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
