the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
