I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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