Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
