I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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