Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
