She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
