I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's rum buckets o'clock
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize