i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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