Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
