My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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