getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
