I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize