We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dual....:-)
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
