Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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