watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
