Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
