Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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