i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
