He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
