NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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