Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
