I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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