My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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