just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
