Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
