i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
