Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
