girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
