he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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