the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Are we still banned from the library?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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