so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
