I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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