Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
