Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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