you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
