I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
