he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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