I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
