I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
