i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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