Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize