Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
