I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She bit a glass in half.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
