You work out of a Hotel?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
