Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
