I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
