Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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