i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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