I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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