You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
