I hope mine doesn't look like that
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
