All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
