Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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