The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
