Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize