shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
