I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
