i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
