Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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