I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
