maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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