Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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