I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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