there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
