We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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