the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
