I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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