I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
