you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize