pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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