She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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