Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize