i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
