Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
