Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
