I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
