I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Terrible idea I love it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
