I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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