There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
