Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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