you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
